Memorial Day Weekend

We had a long holiday weekend and it was great.  On Saturday morning we got up early to do our annual neighborhood yard sale.  I just put out mostly kids clothes, but I think I still made close to $100.  Not bad for a morning's work.  The kids probably made out even better than I did!  It was a really hot day, so they decided to sell snow cones for $1 a piece.  They made a mint!  In the afternoon, we just played in the sprinkler to cool off.  Later, we set up the tent in the back yard so we could sleep in it that night.  The kids were really excited since they had never slept in a tent before!  Well, I must admit, I was not overly upset when I saw lightning around 2:30 am and had to bring the kids inside.  It's not so easy to sleep on the ground anymore!  Sunday night was stormy, too, so no tent.  We tried again on Monday night, but the tent had gotten so wet that we couldn't stay in it.  I took it down Tuesday and will look for another one that is smaller and stays dry!  The kids still had a lot of fun in it.

Monday we went to one of the local community pools.  It was another scorcher, so we were happy to be in a place where we could stay wet.  It's just too bad we didn't see any of the kids' friends there.  They got bored pretty fast.

The kids finish school next week and are very excited about moving on to the next grades!  I can't believe they will be in 3rd and 1st grade already.  Yikes.

Back to the man situation...this guy is driving me crazy.  I have made it pretty clear to him that I just want to be friends now.  He called me last week saying how much he misses me and everything.  I told him that I am going to date other men and that I just wanted to be friends.  I don't think he gets it.  He asked me how the online dating thing is going and I told him that I've been corresponding with a guy and we are just trying to coordinate a date.  He seemed in disbelief so I said that it was a good thing the guy was Jewish - that's a step in the right direction.  He laughed and said "that's not going to work for you!"  I got disgusted and just said that it would be nice to be with someone who is the same religion.  It makes things easier (btw, date with the Jewish guy is tonight!).  Then he goes on to say that I should feel free to talk to him about my dates.  We hung up and he calls back a few minutes later saying that he wants to buy one of the coffee shops in my area and move here (he is in the coffee shop business)...he wants to move....I could tell by his voice that he was crying on the other end.  When will this guy stop crying!?  That is such a turn off.  He said that he has lots of "powerful" things going on at his end and that he needs me right now.  WTF.

I was surprised that I didn't hear from him all weekend (he usually calls me and texts me several times a day), but thought maybe he's finally getting the message.  He called this morning and the first thing he does is go on and on about how much he misses me.  I didn't reciprocate.  I'm really glad he lives 4 1/2 hours away.  He's going to be a couple hours away tomorrow and the next day for a business meeting so I agreed to have lunch with him tomorrow somewhere half way.  He asked if I could spend the day with him, but I told him that I have meetings.  I really don't want to spend any time with him, but I guess I could spare time for lunch...even though I'll have to drive an hour to do so.  Ugh.  After telling me several times how much he misses me (and me saying that I just want to be friends), he says that his feelings for our relationship are not the same either - meaning he is not feeling so much in love with me anymore.  This guy is really F'ed up.  I'm not sure friends is even the direction I want to go anymore given how screwed up he is.

Mother's Day

This was the fourth year we spent camping over Mother's Day weekend.  We go to a family camp about four hours from our house and it is great!  We stay in a cabin and everything is planned for us and all meals are prepared for us.  All I have to do is choose an activity and relax.  We spent a lot of time just hiking around the grounds, doing a little canoeing and boating, and looking for gnomes.  The people at the family camp hid 5 gnomes and bunny foo-foo for the kids to find.  If you find one, you get a little prize.  Well, it took us four years, but we finally found one!  The kids were bound and determined this year and lo and behold, bunny foo-foo made it into our hands.  The kids were SO excited!  That didn't stop them from trying to find another one, though...however, we were only successful with the one find.

Four of the five gnomes and bunny foo-foo!

One of the other things I love about this place is the Sunday morning Mother's Day ritual.  They call all the little kids into the kitchen and give each one of them a flowering plant to give to their mother.  It makes me cry every time!  So sweet to see them all pouring out of the kitchen with their flowers, so excited to give them to their mothers.  While it's a long drive to the campground, it's always well worth it.  

On the man note....there is seriously something wrong with me.  This man is head over heels in love with me and just wants to do anything he can to make me happy and I'm just not feeling the same for him.  On Saturday before Mother's Day, he drove four hours to get to the campground so he could give me my Mother's Day present (okay, it's less than an hour and a half from where he lives, but he got lost).  He gave me a beautiful Pandora bracelet with the kids' birthstones on it...so, it's pretty much a Mother's bracelet.  A few weeks ago, he drove out to visit me for the weekend and spent all day Saturday painting an apartment I'm trying to renovate, then all day Sunday and Monday working on the landscaping for that apartment and then my own landscaping.  All while I did stuff with the kids and worked.  He even took the kids and me out for a very nice dinner on Saturday night (the kids were really excited to get dressed up).  I'm telling you, all he wants to do is make me happy!  So, what the hell is wrong with me?  He's the perfect package...successful, sexy, smart and wants to treat me like a queen.

Okay, now for the things that are making me a little crazy about him (not in a good way).  He cries a lot.  What's up with that?  That is not normal.  He tells me all the time that he's crying because he misses me.  Okay, kind of endearing....ONCE IN AWHILE....I was in his town a month ago for a board meeting and we met for coffee before I hit the road to come home.  He started crying because he said he wanted to take a break in our relationship for awhile but didn't want to lose me as a friend.  Then he called me three times on my drive home.  That's not a break!  Is anyone else beginning to sense a little bit of a personality disorder?  One thing I don't need is a  man who needs to be medicated.  There are other things about his personality that are grating on me...not sure how to explain them, but I can feel my blood pressure start to rise whenever he calls.  I really like being treating like a queen, but not sure how much longer I can deal with the personality stuff.  We'll see.

On another note, some of you may remember me telling you about a good friend of mine who was murdered while traveling in Ind!a with her son a couple years ago...the even more shocking part about it was that it was her son who murdered her.  I knew this kid and had traveled extensively with him.  Who knew he had the ability to kill his own mother harbored inside him.  Well, to make a long story short...he was convicted over there and sentenced to three years detention...the max for minors according to their law.  Friday, the news reported that he was acquitted and is on his way home.  Unbelievable.  I'm sure his father paid a lot of money to make that happen, and, of course, as a mother, I would do the same for my child -- whatever it took to bring him home.  He's now almost 18 and, in time, no one will ever know what he did.  I'm very sad that he is not paying for his crime AND that he's learning at a young age that money can buy your innocence in a court of law.  But at the same time, I feel really sorry for him.  He's going to have to live for the rest of his life with the images of her last moments haunting him.  I'm sure he's set himself up for a very difficult and screwed up future.  I hope he's able to get some help and finally realize the depth of the horrible crime he committed.  

Another Date...I'm about to give up...

Okay, so I've been continuing to do the online dating thing even though I have had very little luck.  Since I live in the middle of nowhere, no one seems willing to make the drive this far out - and I certainly don't have the time to drive any significant distance either.  Plus the fact that I have small children seems to be a bit of baggage for some men (I agree, I really don't want those guys anyway).

SO, I started corresponding with this one guy online.  He lives about three hours away, taking care of his ailing (cancer) mother.  Since he's an entrepreneur, he can live anywhere.  He started corresponding with me several times a day and then calling me every day.  We had nice conversations and through those we discussed that even if the spark isn't there, maybe we can just be friends.  Friends first, anyway, right?

Okay, so after a week or two of corresponding with me and calling me every day, he decides to make the drive out here for lunch.  Now, I suspected I wouldn't be physically attracted to this guy, but I suppose you never know.  We met for lunch, had a nice time during the meal, but I wasn't feeling the physical attraction...well, apparently, he was!  After lunch, as we're walking to the parking lot, he starts walking close to me, putting his arm around me, all that stuff.  I give the usual hint of moving away, getting into my car and putting a door between us - at which point he leans over and asks if he could "steal one" - a kiss...Well, I had an immediate visceral reaction (didn't mean to, just happened that way) and said "NOOOOOOOO!  I mean, I'm not quite ready for that."  I guess he got the message because he hasn't called since (even though he asked to have lunch with me again today).  Apparently, he really didn't want to be friends.  Oh well.  Hee, hee...

The other guy from Pittsburgh has been very persistent.  We talk several times a day and he is coming out for a few days, again, this weekend.  I introduced him to the kids (as a friend) a couple weeks ago, but I don't want them to know he and I are dating at all....I'm not even sure we're dating, but I guess it looks that way...he thinks we are...I've told him that I'm going to continue to look...he seems to think that's fine since, in his eyes, if I find someone who treats me as well as he does (or better), then he'll know I'm well taken care of...on the other hand, when I tell him that I'm doing the online thing, he jokes about it and clearly wants me to stop doing it (but is not overly persuasive about it - it's clear he wants me to stop when I'm ready)...this one is a challenge for many reasons....Maybe I'll go into some of those reasons later, just not ready to discuss yet.  In the meantime, I'm enjoying his company and continuing to get to know him better.

The kids are doing great.  They are both taking baseball this spring and loving it.  e is the only girl on her team!  I have a feeling, though, that she will show 'em who's boss!

TWICE this month!

Aren't you impressed that I've made it over here a second time this month??? Well, the bruised rib really threw me for a loop. For two whole weeks I was still taking the vicadin at night so I could sleep and tylenol during the day. I'm glad it's tolerable now! E seems to be doing a lot better, too. I was back in the ER the night after it happened because I was having extreme pain and pressure when I reclined. The doctors just told me not to recline! Go figure. They thought it was probably just muscle spasms. In retrospect, I suspect they were probably right. I'm just glad I'm feeling better! We have a trip, next weekend, to go to an indoor water park for a few days and I want to be in tip-top shape!

Our Japanese student left a couple days ago. We will really miss him. What a great kid. He and I both really cried when we said goodbye!

This is in a local restaurant..This is the whole place! The cooking area is on the right and it seats five. The only thing they serve is hotdogs, but I love the place!

On the man note....Haven't heard from H since I broke up with him. Except, he called during his spring break to see if he could come over to finish the windows (and probably to pick up his tools). We had scheduled for him to come over on that Tuesday, but then I had the whole rib episode and was exhausted, so I told him to wait. My guess is that I'll hear from him when school is out, he'll come over to finish the windows and pick up his tools and I'll never see him again. That's too bad. We broke it off very amicably, but this kind of confirms my thoughts about where he was coming from. Oh well.

While I was in Pittsburgh a few months ago I met up with another guy....We've known each other for three or four years and have gone out a couple times. It was always pretty clear that there was a mutual attraction but neither of us was in a position to do anything about it. In fact, we stayed away from each other for a couple years. A couple months ago, he called me out of the blue. I have to admit that I have thought about him often. So, while I was in Pittsburgh last month for a meeting, he took me out for a very nice dinner. Then we met for coffee the next day after my meeting, before I hit the road. He's been calling and texting me daily ever since, gave me a beautiful Michael Kors bag for my birthday, and came out to see me for a couple days this week. He treats me extremely well. I'm trying to take it slow, so we'll see where it goes!

Snow Tubing!

I will try to be better at posting new pictures in the future! Right now, I'll just give you the low down on what is going on. I broke up with H. I'm sure you saw that coming. I just wasn't getting what I wanted out of the relationship...it wasn't going anywhere and coming over once a week to have dinner and play with the kids isn't enough. I told him that things didn't really need to change between us, but I was going to start dating again and he should feel free to, too. I would, of course, let him know if I got serious with someone. Well, that was about five weeks ago and I haven't heard a word from him. Oh well.

We have a Japanese student staying with us for three and a half weeks. He's delightful. Nineteen, gets along with the kids great, eats whatever I cook, and is always willing to tag along for whatever we are doing. Yesterday, after Sunday school, we all went snow tubing. It was a lot of fun since we practically had the mountain to ourselves! In fact, for the last hour, we did have it to ourselves. Of course, part of the fun of snow tubing is bumping into each other and hooking together so you can all go at once. Well, during one of our last runs, we bumped a little too hard. I should have been more careful because I had already gotten banged up from bumping too hard twice. Well, this last run was a doozy. We were all hooked up together when E decided to take a running start onto his tube, then e couldn't hold onto it so he went flying down the hill first. The rest of us already had a little momentum so went down a few seconds after him. E didn't make it to the end of the run and sat at the bottom of the hill in his tube waiting for us to come down...What he didn't realize is that we would be going about 20 mph when we reached his spot. I yelled for him to move, but it was too late. We barreled into him (fortunately he was able to get a little low instead of standing straight up - otherwise, I think he would have really gone flying). I was certain I broke a rib so I sat out the rest of the runs. E went up a couple more times and then told me he was having trouble breathing and that his ribs hurt, too. So he sat out for the last two runs. He didn't appear to be in significant pain, so I figured he was not in an emergency situation.

Still, on the way home, he was silent and seemed to be in some pain. I knew how much I hurt, so I decided to play it safe and stop at the hospital to get both of us checked out. When the doctor checked E out, he was having some tenderness in his spleen, so, poor kid had to have a cat scan to make sure his innards were okay. He was really scared when they put the iv in. I felt terrible. Long story short, after about four hours in the ER, no broken bones for either of us and no damage to his internal organs. PHEW! I'm still in a lot of pain, but hoping it gets better soon. E said he felt better today, but I think the spot where they put the iv was bothering him most. He was such a trooper.

Confusion

Well, first of all, maybe I should just relinquish to the fact that I may only get around to posting about once a month. I'll do my best to do at least that! The kids are getting really big and are just a load of fun. I took them skiing last weekend and they had a blast. E is really starting to get to know his snowboard and e is great on her skis. They both take the chairlift to the top of the hill and E comes down with several tumbles while e just makes a b-line straight down doing the snowplow. She's such a peanut, she looks like a little pink blob going down the hill in her snowsuit among all the adult skiers.

Chrismakkah was a lot of fun. E has figured out that there is no Santa (or tooth fairy for that matter) and tells e on a regular basis. Fortunately, she doesn't believe him. e lost her first tooth last week! We were in her room and E came up and started giving her a hard time (a typical brother - he has made it his lifelong mission to constantly annoy her). She was trying to push him away and he ended up giving her a whack in the mouth...knocked the tooth right out (it was already VERY loose). She didn't even realize she lost it until I told her. Fortunately, I had printed out the letter from the tooth fairy that day and brought it home! Phew! But then we couldn't find the tooth! How could I give her a letter from the tooth fairy thanking her for her tooth if there was no tooth!? We could tell her that the tooth fairy found it, but then what if she finds it later? This was a problem! Fortunately, we found the tooth later that evening. Somehow it had fallen down her pants! When she went potty, it fell onto the floor. Another problem averted.

Another monumental event that has happened is that E is finally sleeping in his room in his own bed by himself! All this time, the three of us would lay down on the floor in his room and when the two of them would fall asleep, I'd go to my room. I know, it's a lot of work...but I actually enjoyed the snuggle time with both of them. Last week E said he wanted to sleep in his room by himself and he's been doing it ever since. This is huge! Now e has also been sleeping in HER own bed! I still sleep in the other bed in her room until she falls asleep, but we are finally making great progress in this area. Yay!

Okay, so what am I confused about? In an earlier post I talked about my relationship with the guy I've been seeing since last March. I talked about how we broke up because he said he didn't ever want to get married and then we got back together because I said that we could still have a relationship. Well, I keep rethinking this...Lately, I've been feeling like I have a good friend in him with benefits. He comes over about twice a week and we hang out. He hasn't asked me to go out (just the two of us) in a long time. He also has made no attempt to introduce me to his family. I did meet his daughter but he also has a brother who comes to the area fairly often and a sister who visited just last month. I just think it's kind of strange. I haven't said anything to him, but neither has he.

For Christmas, he gave me some clay (he knows I love to sculpt) and some sculpting tools, a can of fix-a-flat, and a lighter for the grill (I have a million of them). Nothing very personal. Before Christmas he did ask me what I wanted and I told him that I just wanted him to put my windows in. Earlier in the year, I got some beautiful stained glass windows that used to belong to my parents and he has been saying for months that he would put them in and that he was going to work on them over the holidays. I didn't want to sound too selfish, so I just told him that was enough. Okay, don't men know that what we say we want and what we really want are two different things???? He was married for 20 years, I think he must have figured that out. So, anyway, I got what I wanted. He put the windows up, but hasn't finished the finishing part yet. I guess I shouldn't complain. He also gave the kids some coloring markers and some money for them to go shopping with.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm confused about where this is going....about where I want it to go. I thought it might be okay if he never wanted to get married...I still might be okay with that. But I don't think I want someone who is only going to be at my house maybe two nights a week for dinner and hanging out and then leaving when I put the kids to bed. That's not the relationship I'm looking for. I want someone who is going to be around a little more and someone who can afford to do more things with us like join us in our travels (he doesn't make very much money). I really like this guy and I like spending time with him. I like our intimate moments, too, but I'm feeling like I want more than he will probably ever be able to give. And I don't know what to do. Is it okay to just open myself up again to dating others without discussing it with him? Is that cheating? Am I asking too much? I don't want to lose what we have. If I met someone I wanted to get serious with, I would certainly tell him. I'm confused. So there you have it. I'm open to suggestions.