Co-sleeping...it's been a battle for quite awhile now, but hasn't really been an issue until, of course, P came along. Since the kids keep saying that they are afraid to sleep in their beds, every night, I lay down on the floor with the two of them in E's bedroom. I lay down in the middle so there is no arguing about who is next to mommy and they cuddle close to me. I stay until they fall asleep - for E that's very fast, but since e is still taking naps at pre-school, she takes much longer...sometimes up to an hour...and, of course, I often fall asleep, too. I typically wake up about an hour later and go to my room. Then, in the middle of the night, e usually wakes up and joins me...often with E by her side. Now, I have to say that I really don't mind this whole process. I get to cuddle with my kids, and I know this stage is not going to last forever -- so I'm enjoying it while I can. I'm pretty sure I'm not creating some Oedepus Complex or anything like that with my kids. This gives us time to talk about the day and be close. I think it's also possible that once e starts kindergarten and stops taking naps, she'll be more likely to spend the whole night in E's room.
When P visits, it's a bit more of a problem. He feels left out when I spend so much time putting them to bed (I know, waah, waaah), and doesn't like when they come in to invade our bed during the night or early in the morning (don't worry, we are both fully dressed). I explained to him that I am working on the bedtime routine, but they really need me right now. They will be on their own when they are ready. In fact, I've been having a lot of conversations with them about "being ready" so they can make the transition. I've thought about putting e in her own bed after she falls asleep, but she is a fairly light sleeper. I'm pretty sure she would wake up as soon as I picked her up.
So, should I just not worry about this and tell P to basically get over it? Should I be more forceful in getting them to sleep on their own? That just seems like a very long torturous process....I don't know....thoughts?
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6 years ago
I know exactly what you are going through. I believe our beds are the most intimate place where kids truly feel safe, no matter what age. I do not agree with the Oedipus complex, and blah, blah, blah....
ReplyDeleteHowever, this summer when I was briefly dating I had the same issue. My daughter had been co-sleeping with me until the time I needed privacy in my bedroom, and honestly, this is not something either takes lightly, kids feel the change is not fortunate for them and the "partner" feels left out. It took me months to get Yael to go to her bedroom and sleep on her own, so now I don't want to have to go back to "the old ways". Adam the younger one, has always slept in his room and it is a good thing, because I don't have to re-train him again. I have a friend of mine who's kids are now in his teen years and has not had a life since they were babies. What I have done instead of the night, which is scary for kids, is to set a time for us (weekends) to read books together in bed, but have firmly defined a time to go to bed and have left the room after reading a story (it used to take me sometimes 3 hours to put Yael to sleep). On rare occasions, I allow her to sleep in my bed (sick, birthday's, or when I notice she truly needs more attention from me). Hope this helps, it is not easy. This too shall pass...
I don't have any great advice since I am not dating and my kids sleep in their own rooms (for now). Henry does ask me to sleep in his bed with him sometimes. I agree that this is a time when he feels safe and close. Sometimes our children need our silent presence more than anything in the world. Lives are so busy, noisy and hurried during the working hours. My two cents is, follow your instincts, adjust, transition little by little but always put the relationship you have with your kids first.
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