Disenchantment

I think I have a four or five year limit on a job before I get bored. Actually, I think it's more like two years. I've been at my current university for almost seven years and am becoming more and more disenchanted with the way decisions are made. Most things happen at a snail's pace, which is typical for a university. Everyone needs to have their say on every little detail. If this were a corporation, we would have fallen into bankruptcy ages ago. It seems that people at the top need to take more authority rather than letting people argue for five months over how one particular sentence should read. It's just inane. Then there are other decisions which are just made off the fly without any research. It just doesn't make sense.

My department hired a new Dean a couple years ago. No one thinks she does a very good job. Everyone seems to like her as a person, but there are a bunch of things lacking.

So, as things build up, I begin to lose motivation to really go out of my way around here. I am beginning to understand why people start to become more detached after tenure. It is not because they are lazy (although that is true quite often), but it is often because there is a feeling of lack of power....the feeling that no matter what I do, it's not really going to make that much of a difference, so why do it at all. Seems I can focus my energies on consulting and other things to make more money.

I have to also say that I've never really loved academia. I came back to the university life from the corporate world so that I could have a flexible lifestyle - which I thought was very important as a single parent. So, I left the big paycheck behind. I don't regret it, but also one of the reasons why I chose this university was because they did not have huge publishing requirements (I really do not enjoy the publishing process) and I could keep my fingers in the corporate pie. A lot of universities frown on professors doing a lot of consulting on the side. This one encourages it. Of course, you can only do so much since the primary goals are to teach and do research. There is only so much time in a day.

I have no plans to leave this place anytime soon. I live about a mile away from my office, and the kids' schools are within that mile, too. It's also a wonderful environment in which to raise them. Since we are in the middle of nowhere, there are not a lot of drugs and gangs and such to worry about. So, all that is really good. The academic lifestyle is also good. I don't think my job is very difficult, although it is very busy during the semester. I still have lots of time to spend with the kids and focus on what is important. I get to travel a lot with the kids which I think is also important. This summer, we will spend a month or two in Italy...I'm hoping to make that a regular thing. I'm sure they'll become fluent in Italian far before I do.

So, I'm just feeling like things aren't going anywhere here. I've already built a great entrepreneurship program for the University, received several grants totaling in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, and just got a $1M donation from someone to help build the program...it is hoped that that million will turn into several million over the next few years so that they can give me a chair. I just feel like I do and do and do and don't get a whole lot back. I think that's just the way of academia. The possibility of doing more consulting on the side is looking more and more attractive. I will be attempting to pursue more of that in the future.

I took the kids skiing for the first time this weekend. Saturday, they went tube sledding and had an absolutely blast. e was on the young side to go down, but I knew that once she went down the hill once, she'd want to go again and again...they both LOVED it. Yesterday, we played hooky from Sunday school and went back to the resort to go skiing. The kids did great. E still needs to master his snowplow a little better, but by the end of their one hour lesson, e was going down no problem. She was able to stop and even turn by the end of the day. I'll try putting her a little higher on the hill so she can practice her turns some more next time! I picked E's donor because of his athletic abilities (and my lack thereof), but it looks like e is going to be my athletic one and E is going to be my brainiac. Still not a bad combination!

Oh, and poor e is having growing pains. I read up on it and apparently doctors don't know what causes them. They are worse on days when the child is more active and the pain only occurs at night. All very descriptive of what e is experiencing. As soon as we lie down, she wants me to massage her legs. Then she starts crying because she hurts so much. Saturday night she woke up twice during the night crying. I've been giving her some Tylenol with does the trick, but I hate to see her in such pain! Poor baby. It's tough growing up!

Just Yuck...

e looking a little diva-ish!

E and e at E's school holiday party -- the Gingerbread man came for a visit!

A little warning that there might be a little TMI ahead....

When I told people that I was going to have children on my own, so many told me that it would be a very difficult road. So far, I haven't found it very difficult. Sure, there are definitely tough times, but for the most part, it's a joy a minute. However, I would say the absolute hardest part about being a single parent is when *I* get sick. Taking care of the kids when they are not feeling well is easy, although sometimes physically or mentally exhausting. But when I'm sick and I can't even keep up with them, it is definitely difficult.

One of the joys of motherhood is when the kids get stomach viruses. Oh joy. So, New Year's day, we went over to a neighbor's house for pork and sauerkraut (this is a new concept to me since I grew up in CT). Both E and e had a great time playing over there. About 5:00 rolls around and e jumps into my lap saying that she has a belly ache. I thought she was just tired since she was playing pretty hard with the other kids. So, I just held her for awhile and tried to get her to go to sleep. After about fifteen minutes or so, she starts crying that her stomach was really hurting. So, I took the kids home, rubbed her belly, and told her to rest for a bit. About an hour later she runs to the bathroom and throws up. Thank goodness e is pretty good about getting to the toilet when she has to get sick. Most of the time she makes it. Poor thing continued to throw up until about 2:00 in the morning. Most of the time she made it to the bathroom. While she was sleeping, of course, she didn't. I put lots of towels down on my bed so she wouldn't get it all over. Yuck. Poor thing must have thrown up a dozen times before her stomach settled down.

Vomit is one of the most disgusting things to clean up because it really smells awful. I remember one time when the kids were younger when I had a stomach virus. In the middle of the night, I was praying to the porcelain god, laid back down in bed with the kids, and ten minutes later, E threw up on my head. Not the nicest thing to deal with after being sick myself. Finally cleaned up most of that, but was very thankful the cleaning lady was coming the next morning. I'm not sure she was so happy to be there! The good thing is that when the kids are little, their vomit isn't too bad. Mostly cottage cheese since they drink so much milk. Still, it's pretty gross.

But, as they get older and eat more variety in the solid foods, it gets really disgusting. Well, the bug that e had must have had a 48 hour incubation period because last night when we got home from having dinner with some friends, E started to complain about his stomach hurting. Now, E is quite the prima donna when it comes to ailments. With the smallest cut or scrape comes lots of moaning and groaning. I think it is part of the male dna to complain and complain about ailments. So, when he started to complain about his stomach hurting, I didn't think a whole lot about it, but in the back of my mind I was hoping he didn't have the same thing e had. I rubbed his belly and told him to go to bed and try to go to sleep. An hour later, he wakes himself up by vomiting all over. e wakes up and starts crying because she wants me to hold her, E has puke all over the place. I get all his blankets in the wash, get him in the shower, clean up the floor as best I can. Meanwhile, e is still screaming....E gets washed up, then it starts coming out the other end. I figure he's about empty by now! He throws up one more time in the sink. I was just happy that his didn't last as long as e's....and that he didn't throw up on my head this time. He felt fine this morning and went to school. I'm going to give it another 48 hours and hope that I don't get it next!

Ah, the joys of motherhood.

On a lighter note, the kids had a great Christmas. One of my friends takes the kids to the dollar store every year, so they can pick up something for me. It's so sweet. So, this year, E got a bowl of seashells for me and a bag of decorative glass pieces. e got a small ball for me, and also a bag of decorative glass. They were so excited to see me open the presents they had bought for me. E also had some time to shop at school. I gave him $20 to shop in the school store for presents for e and me...with a little extra money if he wanted to buy something for himself or anyone else. He bought me a fabric rose, a plastic ring (which also had a rose in it), a little blue heart crystal (faux) paper weight, and a plastic cross necklace. Bless his heart! Even though I would never wear a cross, I did wear it under my clothes one day because it was so sweet of him to buy it for me. I doubt they had any Star of Davids! He bought a sippy cup for e and a couple gifts for himself. He was so excited about all the gifts that they were opened as soon as he brought them home. I hope he always has this excitement for giving!

Celebrating Christmukah

e with her menorah (I can't figure out how to turn this right side up!)

E climbing the ladder at the rock wall climbing gym

e out sledding last weekend

E and e in front of our tree.

I have been taking every opportunity to take inventory of all the gifts and do some wrapping. I'm done shopping for the kids and pretty much done shopping for my friends' gifts. It's a challenge to get everything right. Eight gifts each for Hanukah, then at least three for Christmas. Every year, I say I'm not going to go overboard. Every year, I think I do! The Hanukah gifts are not all big. They get one big one and the rest are little or medium sized gifts. The important thing is that the each gets the same number!

E's big Hanukah gift was a DSi. He LOVES it. I didn't even think about the fact that it is a huge investment! The DSi itself is not cheap, but then you have to buy lots of games! At about $20-$30 a pop that really adds up fast! I guess the games will have to come slowly.

e's big Hanukah gift was a talking doll - Amazing Allyson. Allyson responds to your voice, can talk to you, do what you tell her, you can play games with her and even have somewhat of a conversation with her. Voice recognition is a pretty amazing thing. So, yesterday I had to go out of town for a meeting. I got back around 9:00 last night to find a note on the table from E. It said something like this: Mommy, I'm sorry I ruined e's toy. I know you work hard to buy us nice presents and I will appreciate that more in the future. Apparently, E and e decided to decapitate Amazing Allyson! A $50 doll goes right into the trash. I guess the babysitter had a conversation with them about how Mommy has to work to buy them presents (not sure what she was doing during the decapitation process). You can bet the kids and I had a similar conversation about respecting each others toys!

She Has a Zucchini!

The kids sometimes say the funniest things. Two days later, (even sometimes two hours later!) I can't remember what they said. So, I'm going to try to document them...I'll add to this as I think about it.

1. 12/8/09 we were watching tv and a cartoonized commercial comes on. Some of the women in the commercial had on bathing suits. e says "that lady needs to put a top on!" E says "No, she has a zucchini!" Yes, zucchini and bikini are pretty close!

2. several months ago we were driving past a cemetery...e says "look mom, that's where people get married!"

Living in a Quaint Town

There are so many things that make this town very strange to me (see earlier post - The Local View http://theeshaveit.blogspot.com/2009/08/things-i-see-in-central-pennsylvania.html), and yet so many things that make it so quaint. Last week I took the kids on a horse and buggy ride to dinner. The University sponsors the horse and buggies to get the students to go downtown for holiday shopping. So, I took advantage of the opportunity. The kids had a blast. We got on the buggy and rode it downtown, had dinner, enjoyed the sites a little, but it was pretty cold out, so we rode the buggy back to campus. It was a lot of fun and something I look forward to doing with them each year.

Some big news...Last weekend I had a date....I know those of you who actually know me are now reading very attentively....maybe even those of you who don't know me very well. I joined eHarmony about six months ago. Corresponded with one guy for awhile and at the last minute he decided there was something in my profile that didn't sit well with him. Coincidentally, this was the same time that I told him that I used anonymous donors for my children and that I had never been married. So, I waited awhile and was recently contacted by someone else (I decided not to be the aggressor here and just be open to meeting people). Recently, I was contacted by another man, I'm going to call him Rodney. I call him Rodney because he kind of reminded me of Rodney Dangerfield! Not so much the looks department, but his accent...they must have both grown up around the corner from each other.

If you read Care's posts, you will note that awhile back she gave an overview of what it's like to do online dating...and how truthful men are...or are not. So, here are the details. The date was okay. I actually really enjoyed his company, but of course there are always some things that hit the radar. He was definitely older than he claimed. Okay, not a big deal...He was severely overweight...I don't know that I have the right to complain about this given that I need to lose quite a bit of weight, too. I am actually going through the process of getting bariatric surgery soon, so I'm looking forward to losing all that excess weight. I am at the lowest end of being accepted for the surgery so it's not like have have 200 pounds to lose. I think Rodney does - or close to it. Still, I wanted to keep an open mind. Personality should be the most important thing.

He's been extremely successful. He told me about how with his last company he had two planes, an 18000 square foot house, was number 8 on Inc's list of successful companies, palled around with Ronald Reagan, the whole uber-rich thing. A series of events in his personal life led him to have to be Mr. Mom for several years which, along with the recession of the 80s, caused his company to tank. He says he lost everything. Now, "everything" I think is quite different from what most people think. Meanwhile, he drives a car that costs well over $100k and has three more fairly expensive cars at home. He has five kids, four of which are his biologically, the fifth one he adopted. An interesting story but suggests his values are in the right place.

So, I've agreed to go out with him again, although I don't see any chemistry between us. I also think that chemistry is sometimes something that develops over time, so that is why I want to give him a chance. At this point in my life, though, I'm not one to put up with a lot of BS...I say it how it is. I'm going to gently encourage him to lose some weight next time I see him. Not so much for appearances, but mostly for his health. I really don't want to get involved with someone who is going to be dead in five years.

One Hundred Hugs

E LOVES to get dressed up...he said he looked like a "man."

e, showing off her face paint last weekend.

E at Tae-Kwon-Do practice

I measured E again this weekend, and he's grow another almost two inches in the last three months. He is six years old and one month and is four feet two inches tall. e has also grown over the past few months but has not hit her big growth spurts yet. Still, she is tall for her age. I am raising a couple of giants.

Saturday mornings are the one time we can sleep in. The kids often end up in my bed at some point during the night anyway, so we get to do a little cuddling in the morning, instead of me trying to get them out of bed and ready for school. This past Saturday, E came in to snuggle with me and decided to give me a hundred hugs. So sweet. When we got to about 50, I asked if the hugs came with kisses...and, they did! So, fifty more hugs with kisses. I need to figure out how to bottle that sweetness so I can pour it on him when he turns 13.

Saturday afternoon I took E and e along with a couple of the neighborhood girls to a local playground. Usually, this playground gets a pretty good clientele, but there were these two women there with their kids who were clearly from the other side of the tracks. When we got there, I kept hearing one of them yelling at her son, calling him a liar, and just barking orders at him. The two moms just sat on the bench while their kids (I think there were a total of four of them) played.

At one point the two girls (C & M, who are in fourth grade) that I brought were going on one of the slides and one of the woman's daughter, we'll call the daughter PB (because she had a plumber's butt), kept telling the other kids not to follow her. C & M, of course just told her that they just wanted to go on the slide. When I saw that there were some problems brewing, I went over and quietly told C, M and E to go on the bigger slides which were better anyway. I could tell that, as I was going over there to talk to them, the mom gave me a really dirty look. She obviously thought I was going to say something to her kid...and obviously she has to defend her kid often! So, C, M and E went onto the bigger slides. A little while later, PB decided to go on the bigger slides, too. She blocked the entrance to the slide and it was clear from the looks on all the kids faces that something was going on. So, I went over and asked if everything was okay. PB said yes and I told all the kids that the slides were for everyone to use. PB went down the slide and the others followed but didn't want to go on the slide anymore now that PB was there. That's when PB's mom comes over to me and tells me that she would appreciate it if I wouldn't tell her daughter what to do. I was a little confused so I told her that I didn't tell her what to do when the mom says that PB told her that I told her to get off the slide. So I told the mom what really happened, but it was clear there was no trying to rationalize with this woman. So, she said, "well, just don't talk to my daughter again." Okay, I won't talk to your daughter anymore.

WTF? At that point, I told all the kids that it was time to leave because we didn't want to stay where there were mean people. It was clear that PB was telling stories the whole time we were there. At one point, she was pointing to e and saying to her mom that e did something. Come on! What is a three year old going to do? The kids were constantly lying, using bad words, and just not playing well. The moms were encouraging the bad behavior, so it just wasn't worth staying around and watching a bad situation get worse.

THEN, Sunday afternoon I was in a store trying to buy some holiday gifts. I was at the end of an aisle and another woman was going towards me. Both of our carts didn't fit well, so (since were were just about a foot from the end of the aisle) I said that it might be easier if she moved back (into the open area). She said she was going in my direction, so I said okay and we continued to maneuver our carts until we could pass each other. That's when her daughter (probably around 18 years old or so) says "that was totally rude!" Again, WTF? Is it the holidays that bring out these crazies? Am I wearing some kind of label on my forehead that says if you're crazy, come interact with me? I always feel like saying something like "Merry fu*%ing Christmas to you, too" to them.....but I think I might get decked.

I will take one hundred hugs any day.

The Meeting

So, I met with the President of the University yesterday. Since I only had a half hour with him, I knew many of my points would either not be made, or lost since it was was so hurried. I put together a five page letter that outlined the reasons why he should not go with the Committee's recommendation not to grant my Sabbatical.

Two of my main arguments were that there are no examples of successful petitions available to look at. When I went up for tenure, there were several examples of successful tenure packages in the library. I could look at them as a guide to give me an idea of how much information to include in my package. There are no such guides when it comes to letters requesting Sabbatical. But, I felt my strongest argument was the fact that the Committee's reasons for turning me down had nothing to do with what is listed in the Faculty Handbook as reasons to grant Sabbatical. Their reasons all focused on wanting more detail about why I chose Australia. In the Faculty Handbook, there is no reference to the fact that I need to justify the location I choose.

I still think it was an inside job and I have a pretty good feeling who led the charge against me. I am not at all confident that he will go against the Committee, though. I just don't think he has the spine, even though I tried to give him plenty of easy outs in my letter. I have a strong feeling I'm going to have to file a grievance on this one. I still may not be successful, but I think I need to scream loudly on this one...