Another Date...I'm about to give up...

Okay, so I've been continuing to do the online dating thing even though I have had very little luck.  Since I live in the middle of nowhere, no one seems willing to make the drive this far out - and I certainly don't have the time to drive any significant distance either.  Plus the fact that I have small children seems to be a bit of baggage for some men (I agree, I really don't want those guys anyway).

SO, I started corresponding with this one guy online.  He lives about three hours away, taking care of his ailing (cancer) mother.  Since he's an entrepreneur, he can live anywhere.  He started corresponding with me several times a day and then calling me every day.  We had nice conversations and through those we discussed that even if the spark isn't there, maybe we can just be friends.  Friends first, anyway, right?

Okay, so after a week or two of corresponding with me and calling me every day, he decides to make the drive out here for lunch.  Now, I suspected I wouldn't be physically attracted to this guy, but I suppose you never know.  We met for lunch, had a nice time during the meal, but I wasn't feeling the physical attraction...well, apparently, he was!  After lunch, as we're walking to the parking lot, he starts walking close to me, putting his arm around me, all that stuff.  I give the usual hint of moving away, getting into my car and putting a door between us - at which point he leans over and asks if he could "steal one" - a kiss...Well, I had an immediate visceral reaction (didn't mean to, just happened that way) and said "NOOOOOOOO!  I mean, I'm not quite ready for that."  I guess he got the message because he hasn't called since (even though he asked to have lunch with me again today).  Apparently, he really didn't want to be friends.  Oh well.  Hee, hee...

The other guy from Pittsburgh has been very persistent.  We talk several times a day and he is coming out for a few days, again, this weekend.  I introduced him to the kids (as a friend) a couple weeks ago, but I don't want them to know he and I are dating at all....I'm not even sure we're dating, but I guess it looks that way...he thinks we are...I've told him that I'm going to continue to look...he seems to think that's fine since, in his eyes, if I find someone who treats me as well as he does (or better), then he'll know I'm well taken care of...on the other hand, when I tell him that I'm doing the online thing, he jokes about it and clearly wants me to stop doing it (but is not overly persuasive about it - it's clear he wants me to stop when I'm ready)...this one is a challenge for many reasons....Maybe I'll go into some of those reasons later, just not ready to discuss yet.  In the meantime, I'm enjoying his company and continuing to get to know him better.

The kids are doing great.  They are both taking baseball this spring and loving it.  e is the only girl on her team!  I have a feeling, though, that she will show 'em who's boss!

TWICE this month!

Aren't you impressed that I've made it over here a second time this month??? Well, the bruised rib really threw me for a loop. For two whole weeks I was still taking the vicadin at night so I could sleep and tylenol during the day. I'm glad it's tolerable now! E seems to be doing a lot better, too. I was back in the ER the night after it happened because I was having extreme pain and pressure when I reclined. The doctors just told me not to recline! Go figure. They thought it was probably just muscle spasms. In retrospect, I suspect they were probably right. I'm just glad I'm feeling better! We have a trip, next weekend, to go to an indoor water park for a few days and I want to be in tip-top shape!

Our Japanese student left a couple days ago. We will really miss him. What a great kid. He and I both really cried when we said goodbye!

This is in a local restaurant..This is the whole place! The cooking area is on the right and it seats five. The only thing they serve is hotdogs, but I love the place!

On the man note....Haven't heard from H since I broke up with him. Except, he called during his spring break to see if he could come over to finish the windows (and probably to pick up his tools). We had scheduled for him to come over on that Tuesday, but then I had the whole rib episode and was exhausted, so I told him to wait. My guess is that I'll hear from him when school is out, he'll come over to finish the windows and pick up his tools and I'll never see him again. That's too bad. We broke it off very amicably, but this kind of confirms my thoughts about where he was coming from. Oh well.

While I was in Pittsburgh a few months ago I met up with another guy....We've known each other for three or four years and have gone out a couple times. It was always pretty clear that there was a mutual attraction but neither of us was in a position to do anything about it. In fact, we stayed away from each other for a couple years. A couple months ago, he called me out of the blue. I have to admit that I have thought about him often. So, while I was in Pittsburgh last month for a meeting, he took me out for a very nice dinner. Then we met for coffee the next day after my meeting, before I hit the road. He's been calling and texting me daily ever since, gave me a beautiful Michael Kors bag for my birthday, and came out to see me for a couple days this week. He treats me extremely well. I'm trying to take it slow, so we'll see where it goes!

Snow Tubing!

I will try to be better at posting new pictures in the future! Right now, I'll just give you the low down on what is going on. I broke up with H. I'm sure you saw that coming. I just wasn't getting what I wanted out of the relationship...it wasn't going anywhere and coming over once a week to have dinner and play with the kids isn't enough. I told him that things didn't really need to change between us, but I was going to start dating again and he should feel free to, too. I would, of course, let him know if I got serious with someone. Well, that was about five weeks ago and I haven't heard a word from him. Oh well.

We have a Japanese student staying with us for three and a half weeks. He's delightful. Nineteen, gets along with the kids great, eats whatever I cook, and is always willing to tag along for whatever we are doing. Yesterday, after Sunday school, we all went snow tubing. It was a lot of fun since we practically had the mountain to ourselves! In fact, for the last hour, we did have it to ourselves. Of course, part of the fun of snow tubing is bumping into each other and hooking together so you can all go at once. Well, during one of our last runs, we bumped a little too hard. I should have been more careful because I had already gotten banged up from bumping too hard twice. Well, this last run was a doozy. We were all hooked up together when E decided to take a running start onto his tube, then e couldn't hold onto it so he went flying down the hill first. The rest of us already had a little momentum so went down a few seconds after him. E didn't make it to the end of the run and sat at the bottom of the hill in his tube waiting for us to come down...What he didn't realize is that we would be going about 20 mph when we reached his spot. I yelled for him to move, but it was too late. We barreled into him (fortunately he was able to get a little low instead of standing straight up - otherwise, I think he would have really gone flying). I was certain I broke a rib so I sat out the rest of the runs. E went up a couple more times and then told me he was having trouble breathing and that his ribs hurt, too. So he sat out for the last two runs. He didn't appear to be in significant pain, so I figured he was not in an emergency situation.

Still, on the way home, he was silent and seemed to be in some pain. I knew how much I hurt, so I decided to play it safe and stop at the hospital to get both of us checked out. When the doctor checked E out, he was having some tenderness in his spleen, so, poor kid had to have a cat scan to make sure his innards were okay. He was really scared when they put the iv in. I felt terrible. Long story short, after about four hours in the ER, no broken bones for either of us and no damage to his internal organs. PHEW! I'm still in a lot of pain, but hoping it gets better soon. E said he felt better today, but I think the spot where they put the iv was bothering him most. He was such a trooper.

Confusion

Well, first of all, maybe I should just relinquish to the fact that I may only get around to posting about once a month. I'll do my best to do at least that! The kids are getting really big and are just a load of fun. I took them skiing last weekend and they had a blast. E is really starting to get to know his snowboard and e is great on her skis. They both take the chairlift to the top of the hill and E comes down with several tumbles while e just makes a b-line straight down doing the snowplow. She's such a peanut, she looks like a little pink blob going down the hill in her snowsuit among all the adult skiers.

Chrismakkah was a lot of fun. E has figured out that there is no Santa (or tooth fairy for that matter) and tells e on a regular basis. Fortunately, she doesn't believe him. e lost her first tooth last week! We were in her room and E came up and started giving her a hard time (a typical brother - he has made it his lifelong mission to constantly annoy her). She was trying to push him away and he ended up giving her a whack in the mouth...knocked the tooth right out (it was already VERY loose). She didn't even realize she lost it until I told her. Fortunately, I had printed out the letter from the tooth fairy that day and brought it home! Phew! But then we couldn't find the tooth! How could I give her a letter from the tooth fairy thanking her for her tooth if there was no tooth!? We could tell her that the tooth fairy found it, but then what if she finds it later? This was a problem! Fortunately, we found the tooth later that evening. Somehow it had fallen down her pants! When she went potty, it fell onto the floor. Another problem averted.

Another monumental event that has happened is that E is finally sleeping in his room in his own bed by himself! All this time, the three of us would lay down on the floor in his room and when the two of them would fall asleep, I'd go to my room. I know, it's a lot of work...but I actually enjoyed the snuggle time with both of them. Last week E said he wanted to sleep in his room by himself and he's been doing it ever since. This is huge! Now e has also been sleeping in HER own bed! I still sleep in the other bed in her room until she falls asleep, but we are finally making great progress in this area. Yay!

Okay, so what am I confused about? In an earlier post I talked about my relationship with the guy I've been seeing since last March. I talked about how we broke up because he said he didn't ever want to get married and then we got back together because I said that we could still have a relationship. Well, I keep rethinking this...Lately, I've been feeling like I have a good friend in him with benefits. He comes over about twice a week and we hang out. He hasn't asked me to go out (just the two of us) in a long time. He also has made no attempt to introduce me to his family. I did meet his daughter but he also has a brother who comes to the area fairly often and a sister who visited just last month. I just think it's kind of strange. I haven't said anything to him, but neither has he.

For Christmas, he gave me some clay (he knows I love to sculpt) and some sculpting tools, a can of fix-a-flat, and a lighter for the grill (I have a million of them). Nothing very personal. Before Christmas he did ask me what I wanted and I told him that I just wanted him to put my windows in. Earlier in the year, I got some beautiful stained glass windows that used to belong to my parents and he has been saying for months that he would put them in and that he was going to work on them over the holidays. I didn't want to sound too selfish, so I just told him that was enough. Okay, don't men know that what we say we want and what we really want are two different things???? He was married for 20 years, I think he must have figured that out. So, anyway, I got what I wanted. He put the windows up, but hasn't finished the finishing part yet. I guess I shouldn't complain. He also gave the kids some coloring markers and some money for them to go shopping with.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm confused about where this is going....about where I want it to go. I thought it might be okay if he never wanted to get married...I still might be okay with that. But I don't think I want someone who is only going to be at my house maybe two nights a week for dinner and hanging out and then leaving when I put the kids to bed. That's not the relationship I'm looking for. I want someone who is going to be around a little more and someone who can afford to do more things with us like join us in our travels (he doesn't make very much money). I really like this guy and I like spending time with him. I like our intimate moments, too, but I'm feeling like I want more than he will probably ever be able to give. And I don't know what to do. Is it okay to just open myself up again to dating others without discussing it with him? Is that cheating? Am I asking too much? I don't want to lose what we have. If I met someone I wanted to get serious with, I would certainly tell him. I'm confused. So there you have it. I'm open to suggestions.

100 Things...

I recently stumbled upon a blog called 100 Things (http://100things.com.au/). I love it. This guy made a list of 100 things he'd like to do during his lifetime and is spending time checking off each one. One of my big mantras in life is to never look back and say "I should have..." Life is for living and we need to make decisions every day that should be the best decisions we can make. Why should we ever look back and say "I wish I had..." Why not just go ahead and do it? We weigh our actions all the time. There is no reason not to make the right decision at the time. Sure, sometimes hindsight is 20/20, but still - we do what we can and we should be proud of the decisions we make.

Anyway, we all have our bucket list...some of the things we've already checked off, some of the things may be slightly unrealistic, others may linger on the list a little longer than we like. I challenge you to make your list of 100 things...Or even just start with 25...here's my first 25...some I've already checked off...they are in no particular order but I'm sticking to those that are fairly realistic.

1. Have more than one child. Check.
2-8. See the 7 natural wonders of the world. According to thesevennaturalwonders.org, these are: the
2. The aurora borealis
3. The Grand Canyon. Check.
4. Paricutin
5. Victoria Falls. Check.
6. Mount Everest.
7. Great Barrier Reef.
8. Harbor of Rio de Janeiro
9-15. See the 7 man-made wonders of the world. These are:
9. The Great Wall of China.
10. Petra in Jordan
11. Christ the Redeemer in Brazil.
12. Machu Picchu in Peru.
13. Chichen Itza in Mexico.
14. The colosseum in Italy.
15. The Taj Mahal in India.
15.5. The Pyramds in Giza. Check. (the Pyramids were kept as an honorary member according to Wikipedia).
16. See the monarch butterfly migration in Mexico
17. Go on Safari. Check.
18. Live with a tribe.
19. Try hang gliding or para-gliding
20. Go scuba diving. Check.
21. Become PADI certified.
22. Learn to play an instrument.
23. Go to Marrakesh. Check.
24. Go to Timbuktu.
25. Go cage diving with sharks.
26. Swim with a whale shark
27. See crab migration on Christmas Island.
28. Ride a camel in the dessert...while I've already done this, I'm not checking it off...I'd like to do a more substantial ride!
29. Get a pilot's license. Check.
30. Get a motorcycle license. Check.
31. Visit every continent.
32. Swim in biolumenescent water.
33. Experience zero gravity.
34. Meet Richard Branson - he's my idol.

Okay, so there is my first 34...I'm sure I could come up with more, but this should do for now! What's your top 100 (or 25)?

Our Latest Trip

We just returned from the Maldives...a group of islands located just southwest of India in the Indian Ocean. It was spectacular! I had a conference there, so I took the kids for about a week. Our hotel was on a small island with nothing else on it...it took about 20 minutes to walk around the entire island. No cars, just sand everywhere. The water was as clear as it could be and the sand just melted under our feet.

We went snorkeling, I went scuba diving - something I've always wanted to do. Everything I read said that this was the best place in the world for scuba diving. Of course, now that I've tried it, everywhere else will pale in comparison! I took a short lesson and was able to go down about 30 meters. It was amazing - hundreds of fish in as many different colors. The anemones were full of bright colors, as well, and we managed to spot a black tip reef shark (harmless - this one was about four feet long, I'd say) and an eagle ray (I'd guess it had about a four foot wingspan).

The kids had the time of their lives playing on the beach and at the pool. It was a REALLY long trip to get there (about 30 hours travel time there and about 36 on the way back!), but the kids did great and really enjoyed themselves. Here are some pix!

Sticks and Stones (warning - a lot of detail!)

may break my bones....and, damn do they hurt! Stones of the internal kind and sticks of the needle kind! Last Wednesday I started to have some abdominal pain...I thought it was just lunch taking awhile to digest or something...well, it just got worse. By evening, I was doubled over in pain. I took some heavy duty prescription pain medication I had lying around and it did almost nothing. I knew I was having a gall bladder attack and, in the past, when I've spoken to the doctor about these, there's nothing they can really do about them. They tell me that they are just going to get more frequent and worse until I finally have to get my gall bladder taken out. Well, I finally was able to get to sleep around 4 am.

The next day I was still in pain, so I called the doctor to see how long this should last. I got scheduled for an ultrasound the next day and got some blood tests to make sure it hadn't affected my pancreas or liver. Fortunately, the blood tests came out fine. Thursday night I was in agony. Way worse than the night before. Five doses of oxycodone brought the pain level down to about an 8 and I was afraid to take anymore. Finally got to sleep again around 4 am. The ultrasound showed stones and sludge but no blockages. Also a swelled gall bladder and a distended tube coming out of the kidney.

By Sunday, I was still in pain so decided to go to the ER. They took some more tests and pretty much said that I just needed to wait for the swelling in my gall bladder to go down and that they really didn't know what the problem was. Apparently, when it comes to abdominal pain, they can diagnose only about half the time. To come to this conclusion, they put an iv in and took more blood. I'm a REALLY tough stick...small veins are something I definitely inherited from my mother. The iv lady was able to get in the first try but the blood lady took two and had to go in through my hand. The worst blood draw I've ever had since she was moving that damn needle all over the place. ouch.

Then the pain medication got me constipated. So, thinking that at least some of the pain might now be related to constipation, I stopped the pain meds yesterday and started loading up on laxatives. I can't tell you how much fun I'm having. Still in some pain but at least I can poop now.