Borrowed Time

E playing with his gum

e at ballet class

e and E going snow tubing

Does anyone ever feel like they are on borrowed time sometimes? I swear there are times when I cheat death. Last week I had to go to Pittsburgh for a board meeting. I go there four times a year for this meeting. It's about a 4 to 4 1/2 hour drive. The other months of the year are never bad, but the January meeting is always questionable weather-wise. I used to leave my house early and spend the day working with my friend there, then I have the board meeting the next morning until 2:00 pm...after the meeting, I have plenty of time to drive home and get the kids to bed. Now that my friend has been killed, I have no reason to go early, so I left my office around 3:00. It was also snowing a little and I wanted to wait it out for awhile.

Anyway, the highway was a little slushier than I thought and I was probably driving a little faster than I should have been. At one point, I was passing a truck and I started to plane...almost right into the side of the truck. VERY scary.

THEN, on the way back home the next day, it was just past dark and I think my depth perception was not so great...add to that the fact that my windshield was filthy. Anyway, there I am passing a truck again. I could see some red lights in front of me but couldn't figure out what they were....until I was right on top of them. They were flares in the road trying to move the traffic off the lane of an accident. Well, thank God the truck next to me gave me room, because I didn't even have time to look before I saw the flares and had to move over into his lane. If he didn't give me room, I would have either plowed into him, or into the several people who were at the scene of the accident in front of me. Also, VERY scary.

I hugged my kids a LOT this weekend. I can't even fathom the thought of what they would do without me...or what I would do without them.

Bad Luck Comes in Threes....Right?

1. Last Saturday night we had sub-zero temperatures at night. I woke up Sunday morning to find that there was no water...in the whole house. I thought for a minute that maybe I forgot to pay my water bill, but that wasn't it. The pipes were frozen. The plumber came out fairly quickly and found the problem. Apparently, when I had my basement refinished this past summer, when they put in the Bilco door (new door to the outside), they left a little bit of the water pipe exposed to the outside. The plumber thawed it out and suggested that I leave the ceiling tile open so the pipe could get more warm air. I also left the heat on downstairs that night since we were to get sub-zero temps again.
2. Monday morning I get up and again, no water. This time, I know exactly what the problem is, so I go to the basement with my hairdryer and thaw out the pipe. e stood in the bathroom to tell me when the water started to flow. About 20 minutes later, she comes running in to tell me that the water was flowing! I was very proud of myself for not having to call the plumber and fixing the problem myself! About two seconds later, water came spraying out of the ceiling. The pipe had burst. So much for my feelings of pride! Fortunately, I was close to the water main and could shut the water off quickly. The damage was very well contained. The plumber came back and made his best attempt to seal off the pipe from the outdoor exposure and insulate it. Next time we have sub-zero weather, I'll know whether it worked!
3. When I got home yesterday, there was a message on my machine from one of my neighbors saying that they had noticed that the faucet outside was on and they turned it off for me. I know the plumber was out there on Sunday...not sure if he was out there yesterday. So, that water may have been on for a full two days. Ugh. I can't wait to get my water bill. I suppose it could have been much worse...the water could have been on longer, the damage from the burst pipe could have been much worse....

Then, I got my bill from Virginia on a speeding ticket that I got...Here's the story on that one...when I went to NC to visit P for Thanksgiving, I got a speeding ticket. That highway goes on for hundreds of miles and the speed limit is always 65 or 70...except in this one 30 mile stretch in Virginia where it is 55...and not well marked (of course I saw the 55 sign twenty feet before I saw the cop...too late). I was going 77. So, they don't give you a speeding ticket, they give you a SUMMONS! Of course, I can't come back to go to a court that is a 10 hour drive from my house, so I had to hire a lawyer to represent me (apparently, a very common thing since I got several solicitations from lawyers to use their services once I got home). To make a long story short, the court date was last week...total cost about $600...but no points on my license. Sigh. I think I need to win the lottery.

Back to Dating

Okay, so I've taken the initiative to get back into the online dating scene. I've reactivated my profiles on two of the dating sites and even tried a third - which I quickly canceled because the ick factor was too high....Hey, since I live in the middle of nowhere, I have to be very proactive! So, here's my question...what is it about these guys and their profile pictures? A large portion of them post pictures of themselves with their dogs...many of those pictures have been taken professionally! There are also a LOT of pictures of JUST the dog(s). Quite often the number of pictures of the dog outnumbers the number of pictures of the guy. Also, a lot of pictures are of the guys taking pictures of themselves in the mirror with their cell phone...sometimes they are flexing their muscles, sometimes just trying to look normal. Many of them post pictures of places and things...beaches, homes, places they've been, their car, etc...just the places, not them in them. Isn't the whole point to see what they look like and not the surroundings? I just don't get it. Some of them even talk about the fact that they like to have sex on a regular basis. Okay, that rates pretty high on the ick scale, too. Sorry, but I don't even want to think about sex with a guy until I get to know him! Maybe they're just looking for someone to jump in the sack with them right away. I'm sure there are other women out there who want that. I guess.

Meanwhile, I'm still not sure P gets the message that I'm cooling things off. He still calls me "sweetie" on the phone, although we are talking much less often. Also, we have not made any plans to see each other again anytime soon. I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes and see what happens.

THE Conversation

E and e with Santa!

So I had a conversation with P the other day. He called when he got home and I said that I didn't think the weekend went very well. Oooooh? He says. I told him that I thought he was bored the whole weekend and that I felt like I was being criticized. He said that he is often sarcastic and that maybe that comes off as being critical...I thought it was more than that. Anyway, he totally didn't get it. I still think I need someone who is going to be a little more active. It's kind of nice that he is so far away...that way I can just kind of move forward and if I meet someone in the meantime, I'll just cross that bridge when I get to it. I'm still convinced that he's not the one for me, but I don't know how to break it off. This is always the most difficult part, isn't it? He is a very nice man and I want to stay friends with him...I just don't think there is a romantic future for us. I suppose there will be more conversations in the future when I can get more to the point.

I digitized some old photos last week. I had some slides that my mom left -- I have been trying to figure out, for years, how to get a good look at them (Mom passed away in '98 and Dad passed away in '03 when I was just 3 months pregnant with E - he never knew). For Christmas, P gave me a device that digitizes old slides. It was really great to see these pictures of my parents without having to hold the slides up to the light. The pictures of my parents were taken shortly after they got married...must have been within one to three years since my sisters are in some of them....Here are some of my favorites.

Mom and Dad...not sure if any kids have been born yet...

I think Mom looks so elegant here with her fur collar and faux pearls!

I think my mom was in her 20s here.

Dating and Co-Sleeping

Thanks for all the great input on the dating and co-sleeping. When P visited this past weekend, I did my usual thing of laying down with them until they fell asleep, then I went into my room with P and locked the door. I left the kids with the understanding that if the door is closed, they cannot come in. They did great. But I was still getting a little bit of a hard time from P...

So, the dating...first of all, P arrived last Thursday and did not say how long we was going to stay...I just think that needs to be defined ahead of time. I didn't have anything planned for us for the weekend, except a party at a neighbor's house New Year's eve. The rest of the weekend, I was just going to play it by ear and enjoy some time at home with the kids and P. So, Friday morning we get up, I make a cake, I make another dessert, I make a cheese ball for the party, I make dinner, I empty the dishwasher, clean the dishes, clean up the kitchen, pick things up around the house, then I go outside to put the jumpy inflatable thing up for the kids to burn off some energy (it's big and heavy, but I often do it by myself), stack the wood that had blown over in a storm earlier in the week, put the jumpy thing away (the girl next door helped me put it away) and generally just keep moving, moving, moving, getting things done. What did P do? He sat on the couch the whole day. Never once asked if he could help...Okay, I didn't ask him to help, either, but I have also made it fairly clear to him that I really DON'T ask for help...that doesn't mean he shouldn't offer! The next day was a lot of the same...when it came to dinner, I cooked up something nice, set the table, got everything on it, etc. When we were done, I cleared the table, did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. What did he do? Well he stood next to me and offered to put the dishes in the dishwasher...I have to say, it's just as easy for me to put the dishes inside the dishwasher as it is for me to hand them to him right next to me. I guess the point is that he tried to help...I guess.

He also watches black and white movies all the time. Sorry, but I like to watch something from the 21st century sometimes! And for some reason, he only wanted to watch things that were in HD. He didn't even want to search for things that weren't in HD. When I had control of the remote, I said that I pay for ALL the channels and I want to see what is on all of them. After watching The Twilight Zone for about three hours (his choice. I, of course, was doing other things), I asked if it was okay if we watched something else. I put it on a medical show on TLC or Discovery that I thought was interesting. He said "do you really want to watch that? That's geek of the week stuff!" Okay, look who's talking about geek of the week, Mr. I only watch black and white or HD! I didn't say anything about what he was watching, but now all of a sudden he's criticizing what I want to watch, how I raise my children (he made a few comments here and there about the fact that I let E try some champagne on New Year's and that they don't go to sleep on their own...other things, too), what my house looks like, etc.

I also felt like he complained a lot. I think I've mentioned before about how he's always talking about the news business, but he's always complaining about how no one can do the news well, what is wrong with every program on tv, and of course, how everything else in the world is so ridiculously out to get everyone. Of course, he did everything perfectly when he was in the business. GET OVER IT! You are RETIRED! Things change! You are NOT the expert anymore! And, they must be doing something right because they are making a lot of money at it and people are watching it. Waaah, waaah, waaah, waaah, waaah! Oh, and did I mention that during the Vietnam war, he was stationed in Germany for awhile...never fought, just did stuff in Germany...not sure what. He told me once that he could always tell who the Vietnam Vets were within the first five minutes of speaking to them...well, that's because HE always brings it up within the first five minutes of speaking to someone! And then uses it as an excuse for things! Okay, I am all for being positive about our vets. I think they should be proud of what they did and we should support them. BUT, he was in the Army over 40 YEARS ago! That doesn't make him any better than anyone else. I think he is living WAY too much in the past...

And the cigar smoking! YUCK! I said something to him about it over the phone, that he can't kiss me after smoking unless he's had a mint or something. Okay, so he addressed that, I think, but HE still smells! It's all over his clothes, and in his skin. I just really couldn't stand it!

Okay, I'm done ranting and venting....I guess this relationship isn't going to work, eh? Add to that the fact that E woke up this morning, got into bed with me (P left yesterday) and said that he had had a nightmare that he and I were separated for a few days and couldn't find each other. We finally found each other, but it was very scary. I'd be scared, too! That's a pretty strong signal, if you ask me.

I think it's time to have a conversation with P...maybe just say that I think the two of us are in different stages of our lives and they are too different. Nice guy, just not for me. Oh well. It was nice while it lasted!

Question for all...

Co-sleeping...it's been a battle for quite awhile now, but hasn't really been an issue until, of course, P came along. Since the kids keep saying that they are afraid to sleep in their beds, every night, I lay down on the floor with the two of them in E's bedroom. I lay down in the middle so there is no arguing about who is next to mommy and they cuddle close to me. I stay until they fall asleep - for E that's very fast, but since e is still taking naps at pre-school, she takes much longer...sometimes up to an hour...and, of course, I often fall asleep, too. I typically wake up about an hour later and go to my room. Then, in the middle of the night, e usually wakes up and joins me...often with E by her side. Now, I have to say that I really don't mind this whole process. I get to cuddle with my kids, and I know this stage is not going to last forever -- so I'm enjoying it while I can. I'm pretty sure I'm not creating some Oedepus Complex or anything like that with my kids. This gives us time to talk about the day and be close. I think it's also possible that once e starts kindergarten and stops taking naps, she'll be more likely to spend the whole night in E's room.

When P visits, it's a bit more of a problem. He feels left out when I spend so much time putting them to bed (I know, waah, waaah), and doesn't like when they come in to invade our bed during the night or early in the morning (don't worry, we are both fully dressed). I explained to him that I am working on the bedtime routine, but they really need me right now. They will be on their own when they are ready. In fact, I've been having a lot of conversations with them about "being ready" so they can make the transition. I've thought about putting e in her own bed after she falls asleep, but she is a fairly light sleeper. I'm pretty sure she would wake up as soon as I picked her up.

So, should I just not worry about this and tell P to basically get over it? Should I be more forceful in getting them to sleep on their own? That just seems like a very long torturous process....I don't know....thoughts?

Long Time, No See...

e swimming at the hotel

Well, I've been a really bad blogger lately, haven't I! I'll try to update everyone on what has been happening! We went to Hawaii for a week the week before Thanksgiving...had a really great time. The kids even traveled well for such a long trip. It took us about 18 hours to get there and three planes. Fortunately, the trip back was a red-eye, and only two planes, so they slept quite a bit. The day after we returned, I put them in the car again and we drove to NC to spend Thanksgiving with P and his daughter. That is a VERY long drive and not one I want to do again. We stopped at our friend's house in DC which is about a 3 1/2 hour drive from my house...P's house is another 7 hours from there.

E swimming with a sea turtle!

So, how did things go, you are wondering? Well, I have to say that I think the honeymoon period is over. I still really like him, but I'm not so sure, anymore, that he is Mr. Right. It is definitely different seeing someone on their own turf. I am also not willing to make that trip again very often, or even at all....It's WAY too far to drive with the kids for a weekend, and if I flew there, I would still have to pay to have the kids taken care of for the weekend. That's a lot of expense and hassle just for a weekend. Besides, I really like spending time with the kids...although, I know that time away with another adult is also a good thing.

So, here are the things that are bothering me....The distance...I just don't know how willing I am to work on that aspect. So far, he seems okay with traveling, so that's good. I also think there are some generational differences between us (he's about 19 years older than me)...he smoked cigars while we were visiting...a lot...he watches old movies all the time...he talks about the news business all the time (he used to be in the news business) and how terrible things are run these days. When he's not talking about the news, he's talking about jazz. And, a lot of complaining! I was considerably colder when I returned from NC and he definitely noticed it. I, of course, didn't talk about all the things that I just listed - just a couple. And, of course, he said all the right things that just made me melt.

He's coming for a visit again on Thursday, so we'll see how things go. I'm not sure how long he's staying...he didn't say...just left it open...I'm not sure I'm thrilled about that. I have lots of work to do, so I'm kind of hoping he doesn't stay too far into the week. I doubt I will have to worry about it.

So, maybe I should just enjoy the fact that I can have sex with someone for awhile and not worry about all this relationship stuff? I don't know. I think he is really in love with me, and I do kind of like the idea of having someone around to do "adult" things with. I'm just beginning to think that I need to find someone with closer interests. So, should I reopen the online dating portals? Do I even tell him that I am doing so? I would say no...especially since he is not in the area. Does that mean that I'm cheating on him? This is very complicated.

Anyway, the kids had a really nice Hanukah and a nice Christmas (we celebrate both). Santa had to give e an IOU for a DSi that didn't arrive on time. I ordered it from China and I'm beginning to think that it got lost in shipping....I have to say, though, that the customer service from this company has been beyond extraordinary. They have communicated with me regularly, and even said that if the box was lost in shipping, they would express a new one and send me an extra 20 games with it for free. So, for just over $300, I got the DSi, 248 (!) games, some other stuff, and now, potentially another 20 games. I figured I can sell some of the games to game stop and maybe even make money on the deal. Yes, I'm always looking for a good bargain! :-)

Hope everyone has a wonderful New Year!