Challenges For The Next Week

Okay, so the surgery is scheduled for next Friday...one week from today. Wouldn't you know that a million things come up at the last minute? I'm buying a new property today and have someone working on getting it into shape for rental. Let's hope I don't have to actually show it while I'm under the weather...I'm sure I can get a friend to go over there for me. I've also decided to get my basement finished. Of course, I have them starting on Monday. Chances are they will be knocking down walls and doing all kinds of sawing/drilling while I'm home. Well, at least they'll be in the basement. With good drugs, I'll be able to sleep through a train wreck. Add to that the million things going on at work and trying to hide this from everyone and things get a little challenging!

I rented a recliner to put in my bedroom so the kids don't try to sleep with me. I've never rented anything from RentACenter, but you would think that I was asking for the moon! They practically wanted my right arm and promises to hand over my first born in the application process. FOUR references! I wonder if they even called them. My credit is nearly perfect, so this seemed a little over the top to me! I actually just felt like a real low-life going through the process. It had a huge yuck factor!

Oh, and did I mention the problem with my foot? This has been going on WAY too long but will probably be one of the most challenging parts about my recuperation. In the summer of 2008, I slipped and fell by a pool while vacationing with the kids in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Of course, this was the first time I had decided to travel with them on my own. I broke a toe, sprained my ankle and tore my acl. It turned out to be the trip from hell since I could no longer push a stroller, carry my luggage or anything. Anyway, I won't go into a lot of details about that trip, but my foot hasn't been the same since. Following all the therapy, etc I had to do to get the toe, ankle and knee better, I got tendonitis/bursitis on my heel. Three cortisone injections, pt, and several rounds of oral steroids later, things are not getting a whole lot better, but offering temporary improvement. THEN I got the stress fracture on my foot -- yes, very close to where the broken toe was. So, into the cast I go. Three months later, the foot is better, the tendonitis/bursitis are also better. Another month later, the tendonitis/bursitis are back with a vengeance.

If you've ever landed on a pea or something really small on your heel, then you know how my foot feels all the time. My podiatrist made orthotics for me and that hasn't helped either. By the end of the day I can no longer walk on the foot or put any weight on it at all. So, she put me BACK in the walking cast. UGH. The hope is that it will get a little better, or at least tolerable until I'm feeling better from the surgery. Thank goodness I'll be getting some good pain meds with the surgery, but this may be the next part of my body to go under the knife...soon.

Thanks and The Last Supper...

Thanks, everyone, for reminding me that not everyone likes their job. One of my students, today, shared an article that said that approximately 55% of people are satisfied with their jobs and the number appears to be decreasing. If someone asked me if I was satisfied with my job, I guess I would have to respond "yes" mainly because it allows me to do the personal things I want -- spend time with the kids, have a flexible schedule, and travel. So, yes, I'm satisfied with it because it is a means to an end and I know there are a lot of worse places to be. I'll stick with it. You're right, job security is a REALLY nice thing.

e's birthday is coming up and I've got some planning to do! We're going to have it at the local roller skating rink, but I still haven't bought the invitations and ordered the cake. Definitely have to get going on that!

It turns out that my surgery will be sooner than I thought. I went to the doctor last week for another of the million check-ups that I have to do for this surgery and I was ready to beg for a first week of March date. Typically, it is eight weeks after meeting with the surgeon and I was asking for five weeks so I could do it just before spring break and have some time to recuperate without taking too much time off. Well, he came in and said "how about February 12th?" Feb 12th!? Yikes! That's two weeks away! Okay, I'll make it work. In a lot of ways, earlier is better, so I have more time to recuperate and get used to the new me before traveling this summer.

So, I start my liquid diet tomorrow (they said I should do it for two weeks, but also said it was okay if I only did it for about eight days) and will have my stomach detached in a week and a half. I'm sure, in 20 years, bariatric surgery will sound like an absolutely barbaric method. But, it mitigates so many health issues and has been successful for so many. I am on the very low end of being accepted for the surgery. While I feel pretty fat, I am not morbidly obese like I see so many are. I wanted to have the surgery because I have a family history of heart disease. My mom had her first heart attack when she was not much older than me and she died when she was 68 after many years of problems. That scares the sh*t out of me. I totally see myself turning into her. I really want to lead a healthier life and provide a positive example for my children. AND, I want to be around for them for a LONG, long time...hopefully, without them seeing me very sick. So, I decided now was the time.

I'm not telling very many people. I told my assistant here, because I'm going to call in sick that next week and I want her to cover for me. I'm not telling my Dean or most of my family. I told some friends, and my brother. He's been really supportive of many of the things I've done -- including having children on my own.

Now the challenge is getting someone to watch the kids for the three days that I'm in the hospital. I asked my brother if he and his girlfriend could come down for the weekend, but I'm not optimistic. He's been off on a sailing race for the past two months and gets back to the U.S. on Thursday. He had to cut his race short because his sciatic was bothering him so much. So, he needs to see the doctor as soon as possible. Also, since he hasn't been home for the past two months, I'm not sure he'll want to jump in the car so quickly for four hours to spend a few days here. We'll see. I'm sure either of my sisters would come down, but I don't want to tell them. I just don't think they would be so supportive of my decision. I may have to hire someone to watch the kids....hopefully, the same woman who watched them last week overnight is available again. So many details to work out!

In the meantime, I'll have my "last supper" tonight...sushi with the kids. Yum.

Disenchantment

I think I have a four or five year limit on a job before I get bored. Actually, I think it's more like two years. I've been at my current university for almost seven years and am becoming more and more disenchanted with the way decisions are made. Most things happen at a snail's pace, which is typical for a university. Everyone needs to have their say on every little detail. If this were a corporation, we would have fallen into bankruptcy ages ago. It seems that people at the top need to take more authority rather than letting people argue for five months over how one particular sentence should read. It's just inane. Then there are other decisions which are just made off the fly without any research. It just doesn't make sense.

My department hired a new Dean a couple years ago. No one thinks she does a very good job. Everyone seems to like her as a person, but there are a bunch of things lacking.

So, as things build up, I begin to lose motivation to really go out of my way around here. I am beginning to understand why people start to become more detached after tenure. It is not because they are lazy (although that is true quite often), but it is often because there is a feeling of lack of power....the feeling that no matter what I do, it's not really going to make that much of a difference, so why do it at all. Seems I can focus my energies on consulting and other things to make more money.

I have to also say that I've never really loved academia. I came back to the university life from the corporate world so that I could have a flexible lifestyle - which I thought was very important as a single parent. So, I left the big paycheck behind. I don't regret it, but also one of the reasons why I chose this university was because they did not have huge publishing requirements (I really do not enjoy the publishing process) and I could keep my fingers in the corporate pie. A lot of universities frown on professors doing a lot of consulting on the side. This one encourages it. Of course, you can only do so much since the primary goals are to teach and do research. There is only so much time in a day.

I have no plans to leave this place anytime soon. I live about a mile away from my office, and the kids' schools are within that mile, too. It's also a wonderful environment in which to raise them. Since we are in the middle of nowhere, there are not a lot of drugs and gangs and such to worry about. So, all that is really good. The academic lifestyle is also good. I don't think my job is very difficult, although it is very busy during the semester. I still have lots of time to spend with the kids and focus on what is important. I get to travel a lot with the kids which I think is also important. This summer, we will spend a month or two in Italy...I'm hoping to make that a regular thing. I'm sure they'll become fluent in Italian far before I do.

So, I'm just feeling like things aren't going anywhere here. I've already built a great entrepreneurship program for the University, received several grants totaling in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, and just got a $1M donation from someone to help build the program...it is hoped that that million will turn into several million over the next few years so that they can give me a chair. I just feel like I do and do and do and don't get a whole lot back. I think that's just the way of academia. The possibility of doing more consulting on the side is looking more and more attractive. I will be attempting to pursue more of that in the future.

I took the kids skiing for the first time this weekend. Saturday, they went tube sledding and had an absolutely blast. e was on the young side to go down, but I knew that once she went down the hill once, she'd want to go again and again...they both LOVED it. Yesterday, we played hooky from Sunday school and went back to the resort to go skiing. The kids did great. E still needs to master his snowplow a little better, but by the end of their one hour lesson, e was going down no problem. She was able to stop and even turn by the end of the day. I'll try putting her a little higher on the hill so she can practice her turns some more next time! I picked E's donor because of his athletic abilities (and my lack thereof), but it looks like e is going to be my athletic one and E is going to be my brainiac. Still not a bad combination!

Oh, and poor e is having growing pains. I read up on it and apparently doctors don't know what causes them. They are worse on days when the child is more active and the pain only occurs at night. All very descriptive of what e is experiencing. As soon as we lie down, she wants me to massage her legs. Then she starts crying because she hurts so much. Saturday night she woke up twice during the night crying. I've been giving her some Tylenol with does the trick, but I hate to see her in such pain! Poor baby. It's tough growing up!

Just Yuck...

e looking a little diva-ish!

E and e at E's school holiday party -- the Gingerbread man came for a visit!

A little warning that there might be a little TMI ahead....

When I told people that I was going to have children on my own, so many told me that it would be a very difficult road. So far, I haven't found it very difficult. Sure, there are definitely tough times, but for the most part, it's a joy a minute. However, I would say the absolute hardest part about being a single parent is when *I* get sick. Taking care of the kids when they are not feeling well is easy, although sometimes physically or mentally exhausting. But when I'm sick and I can't even keep up with them, it is definitely difficult.

One of the joys of motherhood is when the kids get stomach viruses. Oh joy. So, New Year's day, we went over to a neighbor's house for pork and sauerkraut (this is a new concept to me since I grew up in CT). Both E and e had a great time playing over there. About 5:00 rolls around and e jumps into my lap saying that she has a belly ache. I thought she was just tired since she was playing pretty hard with the other kids. So, I just held her for awhile and tried to get her to go to sleep. After about fifteen minutes or so, she starts crying that her stomach was really hurting. So, I took the kids home, rubbed her belly, and told her to rest for a bit. About an hour later she runs to the bathroom and throws up. Thank goodness e is pretty good about getting to the toilet when she has to get sick. Most of the time she makes it. Poor thing continued to throw up until about 2:00 in the morning. Most of the time she made it to the bathroom. While she was sleeping, of course, she didn't. I put lots of towels down on my bed so she wouldn't get it all over. Yuck. Poor thing must have thrown up a dozen times before her stomach settled down.

Vomit is one of the most disgusting things to clean up because it really smells awful. I remember one time when the kids were younger when I had a stomach virus. In the middle of the night, I was praying to the porcelain god, laid back down in bed with the kids, and ten minutes later, E threw up on my head. Not the nicest thing to deal with after being sick myself. Finally cleaned up most of that, but was very thankful the cleaning lady was coming the next morning. I'm not sure she was so happy to be there! The good thing is that when the kids are little, their vomit isn't too bad. Mostly cottage cheese since they drink so much milk. Still, it's pretty gross.

But, as they get older and eat more variety in the solid foods, it gets really disgusting. Well, the bug that e had must have had a 48 hour incubation period because last night when we got home from having dinner with some friends, E started to complain about his stomach hurting. Now, E is quite the prima donna when it comes to ailments. With the smallest cut or scrape comes lots of moaning and groaning. I think it is part of the male dna to complain and complain about ailments. So, when he started to complain about his stomach hurting, I didn't think a whole lot about it, but in the back of my mind I was hoping he didn't have the same thing e had. I rubbed his belly and told him to go to bed and try to go to sleep. An hour later, he wakes himself up by vomiting all over. e wakes up and starts crying because she wants me to hold her, E has puke all over the place. I get all his blankets in the wash, get him in the shower, clean up the floor as best I can. Meanwhile, e is still screaming....E gets washed up, then it starts coming out the other end. I figure he's about empty by now! He throws up one more time in the sink. I was just happy that his didn't last as long as e's....and that he didn't throw up on my head this time. He felt fine this morning and went to school. I'm going to give it another 48 hours and hope that I don't get it next!

Ah, the joys of motherhood.

On a lighter note, the kids had a great Christmas. One of my friends takes the kids to the dollar store every year, so they can pick up something for me. It's so sweet. So, this year, E got a bowl of seashells for me and a bag of decorative glass pieces. e got a small ball for me, and also a bag of decorative glass. They were so excited to see me open the presents they had bought for me. E also had some time to shop at school. I gave him $20 to shop in the school store for presents for e and me...with a little extra money if he wanted to buy something for himself or anyone else. He bought me a fabric rose, a plastic ring (which also had a rose in it), a little blue heart crystal (faux) paper weight, and a plastic cross necklace. Bless his heart! Even though I would never wear a cross, I did wear it under my clothes one day because it was so sweet of him to buy it for me. I doubt they had any Star of Davids! He bought a sippy cup for e and a couple gifts for himself. He was so excited about all the gifts that they were opened as soon as he brought them home. I hope he always has this excitement for giving!

Celebrating Christmukah

e with her menorah (I can't figure out how to turn this right side up!)

E climbing the ladder at the rock wall climbing gym

e out sledding last weekend

E and e in front of our tree.

I have been taking every opportunity to take inventory of all the gifts and do some wrapping. I'm done shopping for the kids and pretty much done shopping for my friends' gifts. It's a challenge to get everything right. Eight gifts each for Hanukah, then at least three for Christmas. Every year, I say I'm not going to go overboard. Every year, I think I do! The Hanukah gifts are not all big. They get one big one and the rest are little or medium sized gifts. The important thing is that the each gets the same number!

E's big Hanukah gift was a DSi. He LOVES it. I didn't even think about the fact that it is a huge investment! The DSi itself is not cheap, but then you have to buy lots of games! At about $20-$30 a pop that really adds up fast! I guess the games will have to come slowly.

e's big Hanukah gift was a talking doll - Amazing Allyson. Allyson responds to your voice, can talk to you, do what you tell her, you can play games with her and even have somewhat of a conversation with her. Voice recognition is a pretty amazing thing. So, yesterday I had to go out of town for a meeting. I got back around 9:00 last night to find a note on the table from E. It said something like this: Mommy, I'm sorry I ruined e's toy. I know you work hard to buy us nice presents and I will appreciate that more in the future. Apparently, E and e decided to decapitate Amazing Allyson! A $50 doll goes right into the trash. I guess the babysitter had a conversation with them about how Mommy has to work to buy them presents (not sure what she was doing during the decapitation process). You can bet the kids and I had a similar conversation about respecting each others toys!

She Has a Zucchini!

The kids sometimes say the funniest things. Two days later, (even sometimes two hours later!) I can't remember what they said. So, I'm going to try to document them...I'll add to this as I think about it.

1. 12/8/09 we were watching tv and a cartoonized commercial comes on. Some of the women in the commercial had on bathing suits. e says "that lady needs to put a top on!" E says "No, she has a zucchini!" Yes, zucchini and bikini are pretty close!

2. several months ago we were driving past a cemetery...e says "look mom, that's where people get married!"

Living in a Quaint Town

There are so many things that make this town very strange to me (see earlier post - The Local View http://theeshaveit.blogspot.com/2009/08/things-i-see-in-central-pennsylvania.html), and yet so many things that make it so quaint. Last week I took the kids on a horse and buggy ride to dinner. The University sponsors the horse and buggies to get the students to go downtown for holiday shopping. So, I took advantage of the opportunity. The kids had a blast. We got on the buggy and rode it downtown, had dinner, enjoyed the sites a little, but it was pretty cold out, so we rode the buggy back to campus. It was a lot of fun and something I look forward to doing with them each year.

Some big news...Last weekend I had a date....I know those of you who actually know me are now reading very attentively....maybe even those of you who don't know me very well. I joined eHarmony about six months ago. Corresponded with one guy for awhile and at the last minute he decided there was something in my profile that didn't sit well with him. Coincidentally, this was the same time that I told him that I used anonymous donors for my children and that I had never been married. So, I waited awhile and was recently contacted by someone else (I decided not to be the aggressor here and just be open to meeting people). Recently, I was contacted by another man, I'm going to call him Rodney. I call him Rodney because he kind of reminded me of Rodney Dangerfield! Not so much the looks department, but his accent...they must have both grown up around the corner from each other.

If you read Care's posts, you will note that awhile back she gave an overview of what it's like to do online dating...and how truthful men are...or are not. So, here are the details. The date was okay. I actually really enjoyed his company, but of course there are always some things that hit the radar. He was definitely older than he claimed. Okay, not a big deal...He was severely overweight...I don't know that I have the right to complain about this given that I need to lose quite a bit of weight, too. I am actually going through the process of getting bariatric surgery soon, so I'm looking forward to losing all that excess weight. I am at the lowest end of being accepted for the surgery so it's not like have have 200 pounds to lose. I think Rodney does - or close to it. Still, I wanted to keep an open mind. Personality should be the most important thing.

He's been extremely successful. He told me about how with his last company he had two planes, an 18000 square foot house, was number 8 on Inc's list of successful companies, palled around with Ronald Reagan, the whole uber-rich thing. A series of events in his personal life led him to have to be Mr. Mom for several years which, along with the recession of the 80s, caused his company to tank. He says he lost everything. Now, "everything" I think is quite different from what most people think. Meanwhile, he drives a car that costs well over $100k and has three more fairly expensive cars at home. He has five kids, four of which are his biologically, the fifth one he adopted. An interesting story but suggests his values are in the right place.

So, I've agreed to go out with him again, although I don't see any chemistry between us. I also think that chemistry is sometimes something that develops over time, so that is why I want to give him a chance. At this point in my life, though, I'm not one to put up with a lot of BS...I say it how it is. I'm going to gently encourage him to lose some weight next time I see him. Not so much for appearances, but mostly for his health. I really don't want to get involved with someone who is going to be dead in five years.